Top 9 Songs Titled “All I Want”

on Oct 7, 2012
One more small step in mankind's giant leap toward ranking everything: we have taken nine different songs with the same generic title and put them in a numerical order that felt appropriate. If you are thinking to yourself right now that Toad the Wet Sprocket should be at the bottom of this list: you are not fooling anyone, including yourself...

#9.  The Offspring – “All I Want”

Remember when Smash came out and sucked, and then someone tried to convince you that The Offspring were legit because of Ignition or whatever, and you still had your suspicions that they sucked with or without any supposed "cred"? History is now firmly on your side.

#8.  Wet Wet Wet – “All I Want”

These guys were cooler than The Offspring. If only this were a Top 1000, The Offspring could and would be #1000. 

#7.  Skunk Anansie – “All I Want”

This band were way cooler than The Offspring. Need proof? For one, no member of Skunk Anansie is, or ever was, Dexter Holland.

#6.  Howard Jones – “All I Want”

On that note, you probably think this is Dexter Holland. Surprisingly, it's not. It is the much more talented Howard Jones, serenely reflecting on how good it is not to have written "Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)".

#5.  Toad the Wet Sprocket – “All I Want”

When these gents gently rocked Brooklyn Bowl this summer, they were surely grateful they didn't have to dutifully run through that gawdawful "na na why don't you get a job" song.   

#4.  The Lightning Seeds – “All I Want”

Ian Broudie has a headache because "Self Esteem" came on the radio.

#3.  LCD Soundsystem – “All I Want”

Good thing James Murphy played those amazing farewell shows at NYC's Terminal 5 long before The Offspring jinxed the stage there with their wack ass concert a few weeks ago. 

#2.  Echo and the Bunnymen – “All I Want”

Echo and the Bunnymen were always a gazillion times better than The Offspring, they just had to wait a decade or so for them to start making their "music" in order for it to be proven.

#1.  Joni Mitchell – “All I Want”

Ms. Mitchell has probably never had to listen to an Offspring song, at least knowingly. Heck, she may very well not even know they are a band. Let us all reflect for a moment on how wonderful it would be to live in a world like that.  

Honorable Mention: Alanis Morissette – “All I (Really) Want”

That tropical twerp next to young Alanis is young Dexter Holland. She had to choose between doing a Sia-style guest warble on some Ixnay on the Hombre wack-track in the future, or being slimed. True to form, she took the dignified road.