We humans are nostalgic creatures, and as such we often find
ourselves reminiscing about the past. This is especially true around the end of
the year, which is why we all spend the entire month of December making lists
of things that happened during the year -- when we are not buoying the
economy by trading bobbles-of-questionable-value, that is.
If December is the month of making lists, then January is
the month of making lists of those lists, and looks like we have about thirty more seconds left in January to get our word in. Our bad -- we lost our watch in the underground Mayan Apocalypse bunker we built for the holidays, and only realized it was time to come out last week.
Anywho, here at Dear Jerks our favorite list
of lists is titled "Hey, We Disagree with These Lists." Tied at
the top of that list for 2012 sit Pitchfork's dueling album covers lists; the Best and the Worst. You might think we'd be more in a huff about, oh, an actual
music-ranking list maybe, but, really, these two, more than any others we also
glanced at briefly, seem to go out of their way to flaunt their arbitrariness.
So, now we are art critics, and we will gently poke at these
two lists with a stick in a playful sort of way, not in a sort of
provoking or mauling kind of way. Seriously guys, it's just for the
funsies!
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| How many chainz are on this thing, anyways? |
Kyle: OK, I'm going to start this one right off the top. The
first entry in the Best list is Based on A T.R.U. Story by 2 Chainz, featuring
a picture of...two chains. That's cool I guess, but I just don't get what the
big deal is. So it's an aesthetically boring picture of a couple gold chains
against a black background. Are we giving credit for cleverness? Cause this
doesn't strike me as particularly clever either. What qualities warrant it's
placement on a list of the best album covers? Ian, maybe you can help me out
here?
Ian: I actually think the image of the 2 Chainz cover is
perfectly fine: what else would you choose to represent the nominal reinvention
of Tity Boi? I also
really dig that the chains seem modest in size, at least by hip hop standards.
Here's what yanks my goat (wait, did I blow that easy idiom?): isn't the point of putting two chains on the cover
partly so that you then don't also need his name in the corner? It would be far
more "iconic" to leave the two chains alone with the parental
advisory label. To say this is one of the best covers of the year is to say:
"Those two chains are quite nice, and I like it when things are
obvious."
What is less obvious, to me, is why Battles' Dross Glop is on the Best list, while Bear in Heaven's I
Love You, It's Cool is on the Worst list. Check it:
The cover of Dross Glop looks like a photograph of ambergris that has been produced by a rainbow instead of a whale. It's a neato picture, but, using the same logic that deems it cool, I don't understand why then Bear in Heaven's cover is...not cool. It is, essentially, simply a different interpretation of what it would look like if a rainbow barfed. This is one of those instances when even a sentence's worth of explanation would help, but alas, these two lists come free of frivolous defenses.
Kyle: I'm going to put on my visual artist hat for a second
here and say that I do think Dross
Glop is a good pick for the good list. It's very nicely done, where as
the Bear in Heaven cover is of a much lower caliber. That being said, I don't
think it deserves to be called out as especially bad. I also agree that it's
placement on the list seems to suggest that the list makers were not too
concerned with contradicting themselves.
Ian: We don't want to nitpick every choice, so let's move
along to another confusing pair (more jokes like that ahead!). Death
Grips' No Love Deep Web is
on the Worst list, but The
Money Store's cover is supposedly one of the best. The syllogism here
fails: The Money Store is
a great cover, so silly/juvenile sex-themed images make great covers,
therefore No Love Deep Web should
be a great cover, too. Let's be real: it takes cajones to write a dumb phrase
on your weiner and take a sad picture of it, let alone slap it (yup) on a CD.
Come to think of it, dude should have written "The Money Store" on his weiner instead. More symbolic that way. Reviewers would ask, "how are penises like mortgage lenders?"
I mean, wouldn't you ask that, Kyle?
Kyle: Really, I think the interesting question is, “how are
penises not like
mortgage lenders?”
Congrats by the way on using “weiner” twice in one
paragraph. This is truly a proud day in our short history. Seriously though, dude should have written “The Money Store” on his weiner!
Maybe that’s why it’s on the bad list instead of the good one? Like, it has a
degree of difficulty worthy of the good list or whatever, but execution cost it
valuable points?
On a side note, if you are brave enough to google image
search "No Love Deep Web," the internet is all over the 'replace the
weiner with some other thing' meme. It's...only mildly amusing, so maybe just
take my word for it. You're welcome.
Ian: I can't
help but notice the similar cartoon-animation-on-laser-grid backgrounds of
Laurel Halo's album on the Best list, and the Animal Collective album on the Worst list. I guess Animal Collective just picked the wrong subject matter
for their cartoon image? If only the neo-hippies went with young women commiting graphic hari kari, which clearly has far more artistic
merit than some gross lips.
One interesting detail about the Best list is that seven of the twenty covers are entirely, or close-to-entirely, done in black & white. Ital's Hive Mind is also essentially black & white, except the white is replaced by a kind of 'dirty sherbet' color.
Here's the deal:
some of the covers on the Worst list are definitely awful (why is
"this-is" hyphenated
on the PiL cover??), and many on the Best list are definitely great (come see
us in 2019, when The Seer wins
Album Cover of the Decade honors). That said, the Worst and Best lists, when taken together, inadvertently (unless the whole thing is a meta gag) indicate a lack of criteria beyond 'I like it.' This,
in its way, aligns with the notion that the quality of art is subjective, which isn't a concept the site is particularly known for encouraging.
We, however, totally believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Except that
the following album covers were the actual best album covers of 2012. For great reasons! Reasons, however, that we are also not going to explain...
Kyle's Favorite Album Covers of 2012
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| Mogwai - Les Revenants EP |
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| Liars - WIXIW |
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| Wild Nothing - Nocturne |
Ian's Favorite Album Covers of 2012
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| Mogwai - A Wrenched Virile Lore |
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| Regents - Antietam After Party |
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| Billy Talent - Dead Silence |
Okay, I gotta break the silence for this one. It's amazing how so much craziness is going on, yet the first question that comes to mind is, "how is the light in the phone booth still working?"
Best Album Cover of 2012/Future Best Album Cover of the Decade
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| Swans - The Seer |
