Now that SXSW has come and gone, and an oddly Britpop-reunion-tastic Coachella is mere hours away, it can only mean one thing: Arbor Day is here! Well, technically, it depends. National Arbor Day is the last Friday in April, which is when New York, along with many others, observes it. However, every state is allowed to set its own Arbor Day, because yeeehaw states’ rights. In Washington State, for instance, Arbor Day already happened this past Wednesday. Therefore, we will be personally celebrating Mother Nature’s ladders-to-nowhere for the entire two weeks in between. In our hearts, at least.
What better way could there be for Dear Jerks to proclaim their love for our lanky-and-leafy friends than with a good old-fashioned list of albums with trees on the cover, you ask? You make an excellent point. In fact, Rateyourmusic.com already thought about your point, and subsequently scoured the last ten years of their unwanted promo copy bins for albums of that sort. What they found is irrefutable: indie bands have much love for the timber. Rateyourmusic's supposedly thorough survey may have even proved that, collectively, the indie music world's fondness for trees knows no canopy. In the process, though, Rateyourmusic inadvertently tipped their hand, showing how much they themselves hate them.
What better way could there be for Dear Jerks to proclaim their love for our lanky-and-leafy friends than with a good old-fashioned list of albums with trees on the cover, you ask? You make an excellent point. In fact, Rateyourmusic.com already thought about your point, and subsequently scoured the last ten years of their unwanted promo copy bins for albums of that sort. What they found is irrefutable: indie bands have much love for the timber. Rateyourmusic's supposedly thorough survey may have even proved that, collectively, the indie music world's fondness for trees knows no canopy. In the process, though, Rateyourmusic inadvertently tipped their hand, showing how much they themselves hate them.
Confused? Good. So are we. If Rateyourmusic truly loved the baums, how in the world could they have made so many glaring omissions? Putting in the first Bon Iver album but not the second might have just been them taking a passive-aggressive stance against "Beth/Rest," but there's no excuse for not including all of the below. At this rate, they might consider changing their slogan to “Rate Your Music, Hate Your Trees”...
14: Sonna - Smile and the World Smiles with You
The bulk of Rateyourmusic's list seems to come from 2006 and afterward, but let's look at 2003. They include some random compilation from that year called Heat & Birds, but not this album from Baltimore's finest instrumental post-rock quartet, Sonna (now long on hiatus) from the same year. Smile was recorded by Steve Albini in roughly three days. What did you do that weekend?...
13: Edaline - I Wrote the Last Chapter for You
...Rateyourmusic probably spent that weekend brainstorming ways to attack trees. At some point, they must have decided that a good way to do so would be to drown them. Maybe they didn't put this album on their list because they thought people would catch on to their evil plan...
12: Traindodge - On a Lake of Dead Trees
12: Traindodge - On a Lake of Dead Trees
...Which would also explain why they omitted this one.
11: Dodgy - Free Peace Sweet
This, on the other hand, must be Rateyourmusic's worst nightmare: a big, aggressive tree with a badass scarification piece getting right up in its face. Don't let the hippie message of the trunk-tat fool you, it's like when huge dudes are nicknamed "Tiny"...
10: Yo La Tengo - Fade
...Speaking of, here comes Tiny now. He looks pissed that he didn't make Rateyourmusic's list, but he shouldn't be, because it seems to be an arboreal hit list of sorts.
9: The Eagles - Hotel California
Did someone say "hit list"? Oh right, us. Hits don't come much hit-ier than this. So why no love from Rateyourmusic? Surely because they despise the palm tree above all others. Need more proof?...
8: The Gun Club - Miami
...Even this pair of scrawny palm trees lurking behind this band is enough to raise Rateyourmusic's hateful hackles...
7: The Cure - Boys Don't Cry
...Make that a drawing of some scrawny palm trees. Is there nothing worse to Rateyourmusic than a drawing of a palm tree? Why yes...
6: The Silver Jews - Starlite Walker
...A drawing of many trees in their natural habitat. And what could be worse than that?...
5: Chad VanGaalen - Skelliconnection/Diaper Island
...Two of them. VanGaalen is the undisputed champ of putting drawings of weird forests on album covers. In fact, there may only be one man out there who loves putting forests on his album covers more...
4: Mount Eerie - Lost Wisdom/Mount Eerie Pts. 6 & 7/White Stag/Wind's Poem/Song Islands Vol. 2
...To Rateyourmusic's credit, they did remember that Mount Eerie's No Flashlight has trees on the cover (which is why it's not included here). However, they forgot the part where almost all of Mount Eerie's albums have trees on them. Phil Elverum's love of forests makes John Denver look like Joseph Aspdin.
3: Eluvium - Talk Amongst the Trees
3: Eluvium - Talk Amongst the Trees
If there's one thing Rateyourmusic hates more than trees, it's metaphorical trees. Those are people, you say? Think on it. Seeing trees equated with humans must have driven Rateyourmusic bonkers. "What's next?!" They surely shrieked. "Trees getting married?!"...
2. Oneida - The Wedding
..."Well, now I've seen everything!" But even that isn't the worst offense to Rateyourmusic...
1: U2 - The Joshua Tree
...No, the worst offense is creating the impression of trees where there are none. Sure, the back cover does have a picture with an actual tree in it. But how many of you, when conjuring this album cover in your memory, remember that tree being on the front? Such is the persuasive, mind-effing power of Mr. Bono's vox and The Edge's hypnotic stereo-delayed arpeggios.
Dishonorable Mention: Jurassic 5 - Quality Control
Seeing this tree-atrocity exhibition must have made Rateyourmusic's day. For all of the J5's good vibes, their posi-core attitude apparently didn't extend to some stupid plant that just provides humans with oxygen. It's like Jarvis Cocker said: "Yeah, the trees, those useless trees/produce the air that I am breathing."
